Today I woke up feeling better. I keep telling myself that things are going to get better. I am in a slump and learning a lot about the disorder (which I will tell you all about in the following days). It is amazing to me that I have had these symptoms for most of my life. I can almost remember the day I noticed something different. I was a Senior in high school and my step mother had passed away very unexpectantly. I had always treated her mean and never apologized. I was so selfish that I couldn't see that she made my dad happy. It's guilt that I carry to this day. Today was pretty boring. The snow has cancelled school all week so that means practice has been canceled all week for winterguard, which means we are so far behind it's not even funny. I love teaching the kids. They are like all my kids.
As far as my love life goes, I am so confused. I am love, but don't feel that he reciprocates the same feelings. I am sabotaging the relatioship just like everything else. It makes me absolutely hate. It is so frustrating because this is something I am suppose to be working on. I am trying to learn to love myself and learn who I am. I have made small steps. I can accept a compliment and say thank you. Before I would shrug it off and say whatever or say what I could have done better. Another thing is whenever I was asked what my favorite part of my body was I would say my eyes (which I do love because they are almost black), but I can say I love my hips! My hips, the part of the body I always hated is now my favorite. Maybe I am finally growing to love my physical self. Hey, we have somewhat of a start in the right direction.
Tonight, I learned ro quickstep. Poor guy, I made him learn it with me. We actually did pretty good and it sounds like we may do more lessons. Till next time.....
Tammy
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